Dear Bella,

My mother-inlaw isn’t given me any joy at all, if not that she’s my husband’s mother; heaven knows I wouldn’t be this nice to her, but what do I do? My husband seems oblivious of the fact that she’s making me hypertensive, nothing I do impresses her, she waits for my husband to go to work and then she unleashes hell on me.

She’s always claimed I never loved her son, I married him for his money, she’s gone as far as carrying out DNA tests on my kids without my knowledge, when I found out I was mad but my husband said he did it just to please her.

Sometimes when I cook she complains all through the meal, saying it’s very tasteless and she doesn’t know what my husband saw in me. I even named one of our kids after her just to please her, she said it’s the ugly one amongst them I named after her, so I’m telling her indirectly that she’s ugly.

Everyday my life is a hell, she lives with us, I can’t tell my husband to let her go stay with his other siblings because he would have none of it, he’s her favorite. My life has been hell for years, I dare not buy new clothes she will conclude I have financially ruined her son, when he bought me a car she didn’t rest until I begged my husband to get her another car, she has 2 already.

How do I make this woman love me, she’s been this way with me for five years, how do I convince her I love her and her son, my mum says give her time but its five frigging years, my husband says I should be patient with her but he doesn’t know the shouting bout that goes on each time he leaves the house.

Honestly I am tired, I love my husband dearly, he was my first and we dated for a while, but the mum has never liked me from the onset, I thought it would change after marriage but it got worse.

Please what do I do?



Hmmm, your story is very touching as it hit home for me, my own mother went through hell with my father’s people, not just the mother but the hole siblings, her and my father had to be separated for eleven years before they got back together.

I know firsthand what you’re going through cos I watched how my parent’s marriage crashed because of this “Mother-inlaw syndrome”. I can promise you shouting with her won’t solve your problems; neither will keeping malice with her.

The secret to this type of people is unconditioned lover and less worry on your part, when she shouts at you, ignore don’t say a word, let her words fall on you like when you pour water on a stone, it doesn’t penetrate it just washes over, be extremely nice to her, treat her with the same love you have for your mother.

For five years you have been exchanging words with her, as from now henceforth don’t, when she says something hurtful, smile at her and tell her Jesus loves her, when she gets physical surrender yourself, don’t give her an excuse to escalate things.

If you’re close to any of your husband’s siblings talk to them also, lay your worries at their feet, but don’t say it in a hateful way, say it in a way it would seem you’re worried about your mother-inlaw, when she complains about your food ask her what you can do to improve your cooking.

Trust me, with prayers and love all things are possible, don’t complain to your husband anymore, he’s a momma’s boy he’d definitely keep supporting the mother, just lover both of them equally and unconditionally, since you didn’t mention your father inlaw I will assume he’s no more in the picture, so your husband is her own husband right now.

Love is all we need in this world, shower your mother-inlaw with so much love that she’d probably choke on it and breaks down one day to tell you why she’s never loved you.