I fear who talk say marriage no de fear am.. (Isabella)

I have written severally about marriage, how it is an institution and not a home of restitution, marriage is a graduate school where if we choose we can decide to go for Masters and PhDs, it is a process of learning, what I’m I trying to say? Marriage is a continuous study where we learn everyday and also have patience with our teachers, in this case our spouses

I have seen so many people ( women especially) jump and rush into marriage due to pressure, money, envy, spite, or she just wants to be a MRS. It is worse when you see an 18 year old lady fantasizing about marriage, using Amara Kanu as an example, she is amongst the 1% early marriage will work for, she has sense, patience, charisma and a good tolerant husband.

I was with four ladies yesterday who had something in common, they’d gotten married too soon, too early and two of them have been chased out of their homes while the other two hate their husbands with passion, one of them is the breadwinner so she says her husband had no say in their home.

The lady lying down was sent out or her husband’s house after he got rich, she gave birth to two boys before she was sent packing, before she was sent packing the husband impregnated a woman older than she was and brought her home, this older woman has kids who she in turn brought to her new husband’s house lol.

The other lady has just one girl, while the one screaming  she hates men has four kids, she says she hasn’t enjoyed sex for one day that the husband only has sex with her to impregnate her.

The other lady says she doesn’t respect her husband anymore so she does with him as she pleases.

They were all trying to convince me how men are scum and shouldn’t be handled with soft hands, in my heart I wept, my father wasn’t scum to my mother, my brother isn’t scum to his girlfriend, no man has ever treated me like scum, how do I convince these Women that they have a share in the blame too? I sat there consoling these ladies crying, look at me in my 20’s consoling women old enough to birth me.

Marriage isn’t a do or die affair, I have heard mockery statements about how Ibo women don’t marry early because they like to hustle and make money, but these early marriage traits are rampant amongst Ibo women, it is a thing of pride to see their daughters get married early and also give birth early, this doesn’t mean only Ibo women are guilty, far from it, it has become a general issue; it might have worked for our ancestors but we live in different times now.

One day my mother said to me ” Ifeoma 30 is the right age for a woman to get married” in my heart I said what’s she talking about now, but today I can see it, most ladies aren’t mentally matured enough to look after themselves not to talk of getting married.

My heart aches when I see children from broken homes, I was a product of one before my parents got back together and then my dad died, I do not wish single parenthood on any child, except death was the case. These women haven’t seen their kids for long because their husbands won’t allow it, they can’t go to court because they aren’t educated, they were chased out like common thieves and other women brought in.

Education and skills acquisition remains the best legacy, always have a backupbreakup plan because no one knows tomorrow. Marriage isn’t a source or income, be financially free and independent. See where these women live, they don’t have a dime to their names and no skills to support themselves.

I hope someone learns from this, I tried to convince them not all men are scum but their minds are made up, I fear for the husband of that lady who hates men I hope he amends his ways so we won’t read a gory story about a wife murdering her husband.



Isabella Ibeji.